Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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