yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
