Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
