...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
