She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
