Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
