I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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