After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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