This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize