You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
