she woke up with a sticky ear
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
