Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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