Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
