You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
