Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
