If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
