What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize