Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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