thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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