I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
