if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
