I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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