atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize