Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the day after is always just damage control
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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