We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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