I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize