watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
