Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
