i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
