i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
