you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
