why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
