On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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