This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
