I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I still have a little drunk in my system
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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