you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
