just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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