he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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