my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
