i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize