According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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