why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
