your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
