She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
