how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
