you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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