i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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