If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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