I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
