i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
