Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
