So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize