I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
