He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
