when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
