id be glad to
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
