In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
