I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
