Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
