I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize