he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
