I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
