I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
