11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
