i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Found your dick twin last night
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
