Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
