I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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