i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
