You're my little dorito
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize